Monday, June 30, 2014

Best Dressed? Sorry Elle, Not If You're Over 50!

I adore fashion magazines. Always have, probably always will, although I no longer pore over them endlessly the way that I did in the 1970's when I had no money at all to buy clothes or accessories or even the way I thumbed through them over and over in the 1980's when I lived in a too-small town for the clothes I really would have liked to wear.
But now that I am, ahem, over 50, (really I'm over 60), I am constantly amazed at what is considered to be "well-dressed."
I really got tickled when I was looking at my Elle magazine and saw this best dressed list that follows. 
Needless to say, I vehemently disagree, but especially if you are over 50, you need to avoid these looks like the plague.
As usual, I will tell you exactly what is wrong with each one!fashion dos and donts
Above, okay, Dakota Fanning is cute and this is a really young look.  I don't find it becoming to her though for several reasons. 
  1.  Look at where the skirt stops at a most unbecoming place on her legs causing them to look stumpy instead of curvy. 
  2. Then the dress looks particularly shapeless; even though it seems to have a drawstring, it hangs completely straight.  
  3. This color does nothing for her either. The shoes are okay, but I don't find them flattering either. 

If you are over 50, this look is the kiss of death.  Why?  
  • Are your arms completely muscular and toned?  With this sleeveless dress they will need to be.  
  • If you are over 50, this length will look "old-lady" on you unless it happens to be your "g-spot" length (what I call the skirt length that hits at the most flattering place on your legs).

Only if you are a bit curvy and you pull that drawstring to show off your waist will this look the least bit okay on you. 
fashion tips

Gwen Stefani made Elle's best dressed also.  You won't if you are over 50 (personally I don't see how Gwen made it either).
  1. If you are over 50 avoid wearing a jacket that:

  • has too many zippers
  • has too many additional details such as the large flaps near the hem
  • is super bright neon orange
You may be able to get away with one of these, but all 3, forget it!
  1. The boyfriend jeans with their loose fit will look like "mom" jeans, dowdy and unbecoming because they will likely add an extra 5 to 10 pounds to your lower half.
  2. Don't wear t-shirts with lettering unless you are playing a team sport or coaching dos and donts

 Above, there is so much wrong with this I hardly know where to begin. 

  1. Remember Ralph on Green Acres? Then you are too old to ever wear over-alls unless you are repairing something.
  2. Stripes are good; spaghetti straps and cut-out sleeveless tops are not.
  3. Leather baseball cap? Just say no.
  4. They may look cute on Miley, but if you're over 50, be careful about wearing gold shoes with casual wear.

fashion tips
Alessandro Ambrossio got it right.   Everything works here.  
If you're over 50? 
Let the hem down, and unless you are extremely graceful and have never taken a fall in your life, get shorter heels. Otherwise, perfection. 
   Oh, but avoid the long single braid.

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